The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier - Summary

The following is a summary and review of the book The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.

Coach Your Team in 10 Minutes or Less

Are you a busy manager constantly overwhelmed, trapped in a cycle of overdependence, getting swamped by work, and feeling disconnected from what truly matters? Imagine being able to unlock your team's potential, work less hard, and have more impact, all by making a simple shift in your daily interactions. This isn't a pipe dream; it's the promise at the heart of The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever by Michael Bungay Stanier. Published in 2016 by Box of Crayons Press, this book distills the complex art of coaching into a practical, actionable framework centred around seven essential questions, designed specifically for busy managers who need to coach in 10 minutes or less. Praised for its simplicity, practicality, and directness, it offers a powerful toolset for anyone looking to improve their leadership and communication.

Table of Contents

• About the Author
• Who Should Read This Book?
• Key Insights and Themes
• Detailed Summary
• Review
• Actionable Takeaways
• FAQs
• Conclusion

About the Author

Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever. He is described as an expert dedicated to the craft of coaching, with decades of experience in the arena. Bungay Stanier is the first Canadian Coach of the Year. His company, Box of Crayons, specialises in giving busy managers practical tools so they can coach in 10 minutes or less and has trained more than ten thousand such managers in practical coaching skills. He is also the author of "Do More Great Work". He has a notable background, including being a Rhodes Scholar and attending Oxford, and he has a self-deprecating wit, mentioning early writing experiences and stagecraft from law school. His LinkedIn profile is noted as the best place to connect directly, as he is the only "Bungay Stanier" there.

Who Should Read This Book?

The Coaching Habit is explicitly targeted at busy managers. The book is for anyone who wants to make coaching an everyday way of working to create more focus, courage, and resilience, and help others (and themselves) work less hard and have more impact. It’s designed for managers and leaders who need to coach their people. The book addresses the common challenges faced by those in leadership roles, including feeling overwhelmed, creating overdependence in their teams, and becoming disconnected from impactful work.

Beyond direct managers, the principles and questions are presented as effective for interactions with direct reports, customers, suppliers, colleagues, bosses, and even potentially spouses and teenage children. It is also highlighted as a useful toolset for professional coaches and student learners. Essentially, anyone who wants to change their leadership habits, improve their communication with colleagues and family, and become a better leader will benefit. The book is particularly relevant for those who feel overwhelmed by the complexity of traditional coaching approaches and seek a simple, practical method.

Key Insights and Themes

The core message of The Coaching Habit revolves around transforming leadership through disciplined inquiry. Key takeaways and main ideas include:

• Coaching as a Foundational Skill: Coaching is presented as an essential skill for every manager and leader.
• Simplicity and Speed: Coaching doesn't have to be complex or time-consuming; it can be done in 10 minutes or less using a few essential questions.
• Habit Formation is Crucial: Learning the questions isn't enough; the key is turning coaching into a daily, informal habit. This requires understanding the mechanics of habit building: a reason, a trigger, a micro-habit, effective practice, and a plan.
• Asking Questions Over Giving Advice: A fundamental shift is encouraged from telling people what to do (the "Advice Monster") to asking questions, which empowers others to find their own answers and solutions.
• Seven Essential Questions: The book centres on seven core questions that provide a robust framework for effective coaching conversations.
• Working Less, Impacting More: By shifting from fixing problems for others to coaching them, managers can break cycles of overdependence, overwhelm, and disconnection, ultimately working less hard and having more impact.
• Staying Curious: Curiosity is the underlying mindset that supports effective questioning and coaching.
• Neuroscience Supports the Approach: Insights from neuroscience and behavioural economics underpin why the questions and habit-building strategies are effective, influencing engagement and learning.

These are the biggest lessons offered: coaching is essential, it can be simple and fast, it relies on asking better questions rather than giving quick answers, and building this into a habit is key to greater effectiveness and impact as a leader.

Detailed Summary

The book is structured around the idea that managers need to develop a coaching habit. It explains how to build a habit based on research and practical application. The core of the book lies in mastering seven essential questions.

The necessity of a coaching habit stems from the fact that while everyone acknowledges its importance, many managers struggle to implement it. This difficulty arises because managers are often rewarded for giving advice and staying in control, which can feel more useful than asking questions, which might feel slower and less certain. Box of Crayons' experience shows that coaching is simple, can be done in ten minutes or less, should be a daily, informal act, and can be built into a habit using proven mechanics. Building this habit helps managers work less hard and have more impact by breaking three vicious cycles: creating overdependence, getting overwhelmed, and becoming disconnected from meaningful work.

Building a habit requires five essential components: a reason, a trigger, a micro-habit, effective practice, and a plan. The reason for changing should be connected to serving others. Identifying the specific trigger for the old behaviour is crucial. The new behaviour should be defined as a micro-habit taking less than sixty seconds. Effective practice involves practicing small chunks, repetition, and mindful noticing/celebration. Finally, a plan for getting back on track after stumbling is necessary. The New Habit Formula is introduced as: When This Happens (trigger), Instead Of (old habit), I Will (new behaviour).

The Seven Essential Questions are designed to break the vicious cycles and elevate leadership. They work in various contexts beyond direct reports. Question Masterclass sections throughout the book offer tips like asking one question at a time, cutting introductions, sticking to "What" questions, getting comfortable with silence, actually listening, and acknowledging answers. The questions are:

1. The Kickstart Question: "What's on your mind?" This is the way to start any conversation to make it focused and open. It helps break the ice and moves past small talk or immediately giving advice. The science behind it suggests that focusing attention on what's on one's mind is literally using energy, and asking the question helps clarify focus. The trigger for this habit is typically the start of a conversation, and the old habit is defaulting to small talk, advice-giving, or controlling the topic. The new habit is simply asking the question.
2. The AWE Question: "And What Else?" Described as "The Best Coaching Question in the World," it has magical properties. It helps generate more options, as the first answer is rarely the only or best one. It is a self-management tool to tame the "Advice Monster"— the ingrained habit of jumping in with solutions. It also buys the questioner time to think. Neuroscience shows that revisiting initial responses ("deliberate reconsideration") leads to better answers. The trigger is when someone gives an idea, and the old habit is moving to solution mode too quickly or going with the first idea. The new habit is asking "And what else?".
3. The Focus Question: "What's the real challenge here for you?" This question helps prevent spending time solving the wrong problem. It slows down the rush to action and gets to the heart of the challenge by making it personal ("for you"). It combats "Foggy-fiers" like the Proliferation of Challenges, Coaching the Ghost (talking about a third party instead of the person's challenge), and Abstractions & Generalizations. Adding "for you" makes the challenge personal and increases growth and capability. Research shows including "you" helps people figure out answers faster and more accurately. The trigger is starting to focus on a particular challenge or when the conversation is vague. The old habits are addressing the first problem, leaving challenges abstract, trying to fix everything, or focusing on someone else's problem. The new habit is asking the Focus Question.
4. The Foundation Question: "What do you want?" This potent question gets to the core of what someone is asking for, often revealing underlying universal needs (e.g., Affection, Creation, Freedom, Identity, Understanding, Participation, Protection, Subsistence, Recreation). Understanding the need helps address the want effectively. This question facilitates adult-to-adult conversations where parties understand what the other wants. Asking and answering this question for yourself amplifies its power. It connects to the neuroscience of engagement (TERA: Tribe, Expectation, Rank, Autonomy) – understanding wants increases Tribe (connection) and Autonomy (sense of choice), raising the TERA Quotient and encouraging engagement. The trigger is when a conversation feels stuck, people are procrastinating, or the conversation is difficult. The old habit is assuming you know what they want. The new habit is asking "What do you want?" and potentially sharing what you want too. Research relates this question to the "miracle question" in therapy, which helps people imagine a better outcome, making the path clearer.
5. The Lazy Question: "How can I help?" This question helps managers be truly useful rather than just "helpful" by leaping in and taking over, which can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and reduced impact. It counters the tendency to fall into the Rescuer role in the Karpman Drama Triangle (Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer). Asking "How can I help?" or the blunter "What do you want from me?" forces clarity about the request and allows the manager to decide whether to honour it. Managers don't have to say Yes; they have options like No, a counter-offer, or buying time. A specific habit is offered for when someone asks for advice ("How do I...?"): instead of giving the answer, ask for their first thoughts, then ask "What else could you do?" before offering your own ideas. The trigger is the urge to jump in and help, often when someone asks "How do I...?" or when you think doing it yourself is faster. The old habit is jumping into action and taking responsibility. The new habit is asking "How can I help?" or "What do you want from me?". Research shows that starting conversations with general questions like "How can I help?" leads to patients disclosing more concerns and higher satisfaction.
6. The Strategic Question: "What will you say No to?" This question addresses overwhelm and helps focus on the work that matters (Great Work – work with impact and meaning). It challenges the "good busy" culture and the TBU ("True But Useless") advice like "Work smarter, not harder". The Strategic Question, framed as "What will you say No to if you're truly saying Yes to this?", is at the heart of good strategy, which requires making tough trade-offs and choosing what not to do. It helps avoid overcommitment and scope creep. Saying Yes more slowly by asking clarifying questions ("Why are you asking me?", "Whom else have you asked?", "By when?", "What can I take off my plate?") is a key tactic. Saying No can be made easier by creating a "third point" (e.g., saying No to the task written on paper, not the person). The trigger is seeing someone about to become overwhelmed, fudging choices, or experiencing scope creep. The old habit is hoping you can just keep adding more or falling into Rescuer/Victim mode. The new habit is asking "What will you say No to, to make this Yes rock-solid and real?". This question helps combat cognitive biases like the endowment effect (overvaluing what you already have), forcing consideration of trade-offs.
7. The Learning Question: "What was most useful for you?" This question is asked at the end of a conversation to help people learn. People learn by recalling and reflecting, not just by being told or doing. This question drives the "Generation" aspect of memory encoding (AGES model), where creating and sharing one's own connections increases memory retention. It also supports information retrieval, which interrupts the process of forgetting. Compared to other learning questions, "What was most useful for you?" is a "superfood" because it assumes usefulness, asks for the one big takeaway, makes it personal ("for you"), avoids Yes/No judgment, and reminds people how useful the interaction (and the manager) was. This question pairs with the Kickstart Question to form the "Coaching Bookends" for starting fast and finishing strong. The trigger is the end of any exchange. The old habit is conversations ending abruptly. The new habit is asking "What was most useful for you?". Finishing on a positive, "useful" note also makes people remember the experience more favourably.

These questions can be used across various communication channels, including email and instant messaging. The ultimate goal is to build a habit of curiosity, using these questions (or finding your own voice) to work less hard and have more impact.

Review

The Coaching Habit is lauded as a highly practical, simple, and effective guide for managers seeking to integrate coaching into their daily interactions. Critics uniformly praise Michael Bungay Stanier for distilling the essentials of coaching into a concise, actionable framework centered on just seven core questions. The book is described as a "treasure trove of practical wisdom" that breaks down the pursuit of turning managers into coaches into a "simple set of everyday habits".

Its strengths, based on the provided praise, are numerous:

• Simplicity and Accessibility: It expertly cuts through the confusion of complex coaching models with a manner that is "simple to understand, realistic in its intention and ultimately effective to apply". It's seen as unintimidating and easy to engage with from start to finish, unlike other coaching books.
• Practicality: The book provides "practical tools" and is framed as a "how-to manual" with "practical, useful and interesting questions, ideas and tools". It focuses on actionable steps that can be implemented immediately, helping turn insight into action.
• Focus on Habit Building: Crucially, it provides guidance on how to turn new information into habits and a daily practice, grounding its techniques in current behavioural science. This focus on the 'how' of behaviour change is highlighted as a key strength.
• Effectiveness: The questions are described as "transformative" and "powerful tool[s]" that can change leadership habits and help teams achieve greatness. The approach helps people work less hard and have more impact.
• Relatability and Engagement: The book is described as "funny, smart, practical, memorable" and engages the reader, feeling like a "voice in your head" or a guide on your shoulder.

While the sources are overwhelmingly positive praise, the inherent difficulty in changing established behaviours, particularly the ingrained "fix it" habits or the urge to give advice, is acknowledged within the book's premise. The book frames this not as a weakness of the method itself, but as the challenge of human nature and the importance of dedicated practice and habit formation to overcome it. Therefore, any potential weakness is not in the book's content, but in the reader's commitment and resilience to apply the simple-but-not-easy principles. The book proactively addresses this by providing habit-building tools and encouragement.

Overall, based on the provided texts, the book is presented as a highly valuable, accessible, and effective resource for busy managers and leaders seeking to improve their coaching skills and impact.

Actionable Takeaways

Here's how to apply these lessons in real life:

• Commit to the Shift: Make a conscious decision to move from giving more advice to asking more questions. Understand that this fundamental shift is at the heart of the coaching habit.
• Focus on the Seven Questions: Get familiar with the seven essential questions: The Kickstart Question ("What's on your mind?"), The AWE Question ("And what else?"), The Focus Question ("What's the real challenge here for you?"), The Foundation Question ("What do you want?"), The Lazy Question ("How can I help?" or "What do you want from me?"), The Strategic Question ("What will you say No to?"), and The Learning Question ("What was most useful for you?").
• Build the Habit Deliberately: Use the New Habit Formula: When This Happens (Identify your trigger moment), Instead Of (Identify your old habit, like giving advice or jumping in), I Will (Define your new micro-habit, which is asking one of the seven questions, taking less than 60 seconds).
• Start Small and Easy: Don't try to implement everything at once. Pick one question or one easy situation/person to start practicing with.
• Practice Deeply: Practice the micro-habit (asking the question) repeatedly. Pay attention to when it goes well and celebrate small successes.
• Stay Curious: Cultivate genuine curiosity rather than just going through the motions. Remember that your advice is not always as good as you think it is.
• Listen Actively and Acknowledge: After asking a question, genuinely listen to the answer and acknowledge what you've heard. Don't just wait for your turn to speak.
• Get Comfortable with Silence: Resist the urge to fill the space after asking a question. Silence means they are thinking and creating new insights.
• Use the Questions Widely: Apply the questions not just with direct reports but with colleagues, bosses, customers, and across different communication channels like email and IM.
• Pair the Bookends: Start conversations with "What's on your mind?" and end them with "What was most useful for you?" to make interactions focused and memorable.
• Manage Your "Advice Monster" and "Rescuer" Tendencies: Be aware of your triggers to jump in with solutions or take over tasks. Use the AWE Question and the Lazy Question as self-management tools.
• Say No Strategically: Use the Strategic Question to help yourself and others make clear choices and avoid overwhelm. Learn to say Yes more slowly by asking clarifying questions.
• Buddy Up: Find a friend or colleague to practice with, check in, and encourage each other.

Implementing these steps can help managers build a strong coaching habit and significantly improve their effectiveness and impact.

FAQs

• What is The Coaching Habit about? "The Coaching Habit" by Michael Bungay Stanier is about teaching busy managers how to integrate coaching into their daily interactions in 10 minutes or less using seven essential questions. It focuses on shifting from giving advice to asking questions to empower others and increase impact.
• Is The Coaching Habit worth reading? Based on the provided praise, the book is highly recommended for managers and leaders. It is described as simple, practical, transformative, and a treasure trove of wisdom that can change leadership habits and communication.
• Who is The Coaching Habit for? The book is primarily for busy managers and leaders, but its principles and questions are applicable to interactions with colleagues, bosses, customers, suppliers, and even family. It's for anyone who wants to improve their leadership effectiveness and work with greater impact.
• What are the seven essential questions in The Coaching Habit? The seven essential questions are: 1. The Kickstart Question ("What's on your mind?"), 2. The AWE Question ("And what else?"), 3. The Focus Question ("What's the real challenge here for you?"), 4. The Foundation Question ("What do you want?"), 5. The Lazy Question ("How can I help?"), 6. The Strategic Question ("What will you say No to?"), and 7. The Learning Question ("What was most useful for you?").
• Can I coach someone in 10 minutes or less? Yes, a core premise of the book and Box of Crayons' training is that you absolutely can coach someone effectively in ten minutes or less. The book provides the tools to make this possible.
• How do I build a coaching habit? Building a coaching habit requires understanding the mechanics of habit formation: having a clear reason, identifying a specific trigger, defining a micro-habit (asking a question in less than 60 seconds), practicing deeply through repetition and mindful attention, and having a plan for getting back on track after setbacks. The book provides a formula and guidance for this.

Conclusion

The Coaching Habit offers a clear, actionable path for managers to become more effective leaders by embracing curiosity and asking powerful questions. By focusing on just seven essential questions and the principles of habit formation, Michael Bungay Stanier provides busy professionals with the tools to coach in minutes, empowering their teams and breaking free from cycles of overdependence and overwhelm. The widespread praise for the book underscores its impact and practical value. If you're ready to work less hard, have more impact, and change the way you lead forever, picking up The Coaching Habit and committing to building these simple yet profound habits is a powerful first step.

The Coaching Habit

by Michael Bungay Stanier

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